#it's been frustrating for so long man

[werewolf-kat]

Going to keep an eye on things while on a newly prescribed medicine for my heart, but occasionally I've been feeling like crying from joy/relief. I didn't know it was possible to live with little to zero chest pain and other issues on a daily basis.

I started feeling its improvements on day 2, and then all day yesterday has been like a literal weight off my chest. Slept a bit for the night, woke up around 4am and I'm just... Breathing so comfortably. I feel relaxed. That feeling of pressure in my chest is hardly there anymore.

This cardiologist said I'd notice changes after just a day or two if it helps. And it's happening!!

Guess it's very much confirming I've had pericarditis for who-knows-how-long. Could've been overlooked since having my cardiac ablation in 2019. Been so freaking rough living with this stuff. All my symptoms were assumed to be part of my WPW Syndrome ('cause the ablation didn't get all of the accessory pathways.) This sort of inflammation can be caused by heart procedures though. -sigh- Why didn't anyone watch out for that or suspect it earlier?

I'll be having a new echo done in a month or two (forgot which appointment date it is among other tests coming up). Crossing my fingers I don't have the pericardia effusion there anymore too if the pericarditis is getting tackled by this new med! 🤞

[s0fter-sin]

codtwt is going off on brainwashed!soap bc of his new warzone skin and it’s making me think of ghost deliberately getting himself captured by makarov bc he knows he’ll be given to his dog to try and break him; knows he won’t be able to resist the irony, the cruelty of being tortured by the teammate he lost

he doesn’t fight; welcomes the chains around his wrists and ankles, welcomes the hands stripping him of his weapons and gear until he's defenceless

he wouldn't use them anyway

when he stalks into the room, the muzzle, the scars, not even the blank hatred or lack of recognition could make him mistake his eyes

that's his johnny

he doesn't flinch as he digs knives into his skin; would never shy away from his kiss even if it's tinged with rusted steel. doesn't swallow his screams; not when he always loved hearing him, when he spent so long coaxing his voice from the grave

frustration joins the anger in johnny's eyes the longer he goes without giving up information

just jokes; dark and puns alike

just advice when he can't get the jumper cables to spark right

ghost's not trying to escape; not trying to barter his return to the 141

he's right where he wants to be

[tea-cat-arts]

I simply think this fandom doesn't give Wei Wuxian enough credit for the various ways in which he saved Lan Wangji

[pocketramblr]

Absolutely love your writing for all the AU/5 headcanons asks. Can I ask: AU where Rei cheats on Endeavor with All Might? It happens after AM's injury, so she doesn't recognize him, and he ofc doesn't know that she's married in the first place, much less to whom

you make this very difficult for me by giving me a window of 6 and half years for them to have an affair and for every single moment of that window, Rei is institutionalized. how am i supposed to get them to meet, much less take their clothes off. ok. think. there are other fic writers who specialize in this kind of thing, surely. what would they do....

1- ok so. The fire alarm at the hospital goes off. Rei doesn't know if it's a drill or not, but she's been there for seven years and generally does not need a lot of support during something like this like other patients do, so the nurses wave her out and she stands around outside a bit waiting for the fire alarm to stop and them to go back in. (It isn't a drill, they wouldn't have evacuated everyone if it was, but Rei is on the other side of the building and facing away from seeing any smoke) (This smoke is from a villain attack that All Might is taking care of, though he's only got seconds left of his power to use that day. he quickly rushes off, deflating and stumbling out on the other side of the hospital. Where Rei is.)

2- Rei is like "huh that guy doesnt seem to be in good shape" and kinda waves attention at him, and a nurse who's passing out water to patients and keeping an eye on the road gives Toshinori some too, getting more concerned when he dazedly answers that he's All Might and coughs up blood, but the nurse figures he's concussed since he smells of smoke and must have been closer to the fight, and is just reeling from being able to see the number one hero in person. Then they get distracted and wave Toshi to wait nearby, where Rei offers to chill his water and asks if he's alright, if he breathed in any smoke.

3- They chat and then go back into the hospital as it's un-evacuated together, Rei hanging out in the lobby where he sits as the hospital staff focus on getting everyone else back to their rooms. It pays to be low priority sometimes. Eventually she tells him her name is Rei and that she's in room K18, if he ever wants to visit or call. She doesn't get to talk to anyone except doctors, family visitors, or other paitients, and most of them don't stay nearly as long as she does. It's been seven years, and she's very lonely. Toshinori is lonely too, and when he's out of time for a day and feeling useless with nothing to do, he likes to talk to a friend.

4- Rei has been in the hospital for eight years when it gets physical. At that point, Toshinori knows a bit about her family. She has kids, mentions visits from a son and daughter, and then quietly mentioned when her son turned seventeen- her daughter's already twenty. She's been there for so much of their lives. He asks if she's married, and she admits she isn't sure how to file for divorce in a hospital like she is, if she even can, if she wants to because she'd lose custody, if it matters when she's not raising them anyway. He doesn't ask much more, knows there is a dead child and a baby she says isn't safe with her there. Toshinori never called Nana 'mom' to her face while she was alive, and had a reason for it, and has a similar reason for not asking more, not asking for the other names when he gets Fuyumi and Natsuo's. Yes, the doctors and nurses all know Rei has a boyfriend who visits. they don't say anything. who would they even tell, anyway. I debated the humor of reusing the bit from candlelight shoto that Toshi and Rei could have a kid with a fire quirk, but yeah here? Rei ain't getting pregnant, absolutely not.

5- When Natsuo turns eighteen, Rei does actually file for divorce, or at least tries to get the ball rolling on that. Toshinori's trusted her that her marriage is over in all but name, but he's more at ease with it ended fully. Fuyumi is crushed but burying it all deep inside. Natsuo is like 'what are you talking about. divorce is the most normal possible outcome here.' But anyway, Rei also begins to bring up being discharged- something she never bothered with earlier, when it seemed like she'd never be able to go home while Shoto was there, and never would want to go back anyway. (Her parents are absolutely not an option either so where would she go once discharged? the hospital was her only security.) Toshinori then tells her at this point about his diagnosis, that he's supposed to be terminal, in a way. He doesn't have a lot of time he can give her. Rei says that's ok, she'll take what she can get. She moves in. Fuyumi still goes out to eat with her once a week, though Rei doesn't say she's moved in with a boyfriend, just says she's in a safe place and it's not Fuyumi's job to worry about it, please, let her do that, relax, be her daughter instead of a mother. Natsuo adds her to his cellphone plan and gets her one. Rei doesn't tell Toshinori her ex's identity. Toshinori doesn't tell her about OfA, though she does know he's mentoring a student for heroics and is very proud of him. (Toshinori is a secretary at Might Tower, he's a great mentor. Oh huh, he got a job position at UA at the same time as All Might, she wonders if they carpool.)

+1- OK THE REVEAL so the reveal is. Toshinori gets home from the SF. And Rei almost knocks him out by the door, eyes wide and panicked, asking if he's ok, if Shoto's ok. Toshinori is like "... young todoroki? yeah he's alright? i know his fight with young bakugo looked bad but- Rei???" And that's when it all clicks for him, he's having dozens of horrible realizations at once, all while Rei weeps over her youngest. Toshinori's been a hero for a very, very long time. He's felt hopeless, before. But even then, he's known what needs to be done, he just isn't able to do it. But now? he's at a complete loss with no idea what he should do.

[marimbles]

i miss carpisuns sometimes </3

[mueritos]

a small moment of kindness that touched me today. speaking about our struggles as grad students in class with classmates. our small group is all BIPOC; another latine and two arabs, one who is palestinian. we are speaking very honestly about our fears and frustrations. feeling useless. feeling scared. upset at the world and its horrors. angry at other peoples' silence. but at the same time so so full of joy and hope. i talked about being scared of being forgotten, and we continued on with our group task of creating a liberation health triangle.

professor transitioned us back to the full class and while our professor began speaking again, my Palestinian classmate--so beautiful and with the most wonderful curls--leaned close to me and whispered "I'll never forgot you." I almost didn't hear her so i whispered back, "what?", and as sweetly as the first time she said, "I'll never forget you. And I'll never forget what you said last semester. You were the first person in this entire program who spoke of your frustrations. I felt less alone."

the walk home from class was very cold, but i could not help but let myself repeat the moment in my head over and over again.

[pseudoincestuous]

people don’t see Kusuo and Kuusuke’s relationship for what it is because the format isn’t what they’re used to. They speak the love language of metered resistance, push and pull, harsh words and empty spaces where the emotions go. They can’t say what they are feeling. They can’t do it either. They do everything else instead. Brothers’ love languages are fights. Strangers’ love languages are kind favors and nothing asked in return. They occupy that liminal space between the two. They don’t realize how much they mean to the other. They don’t realize how much the other means to them.

Kuusuke pulls at Kusuo, trying to break his walls down and trying to break all of him down with it. Kusuo threatens to do the same to him, all the while trying to figure out how not to hurt him. Neither of them really mean it. Except when they do. Kusuke provokes kusuo, Kusuo hurts kuusuke, again and again and again. kuusuke comes to understand this is the only kind of contact he will ever have with his brother. He pulls away. Kusuo tries to forget; estranges him in his mind. Kusuo sees kuusuke as a stranger at their next meeting; Kuusuke has never known Kusuo so well as he knows him that day.

There are hard feelings that seem insurmountable. Kuusuke knows things that Kusuo doesn’t. Kusuo doesn’t know this, but he can sense it. He doesn’t understand, now. Kuusuke does. Kusuo had loved him all this time. And Kuusuke has loved him more than Kusuo could possibly understand.

You wouldn’t hurt someone you didn’t love. you wouldn’t hurt them because you wouldn’t see them as some part of yourself. they would be someone different to you. but hurting your brother is just self harm, contextualized. it gives meaning and structure to what doesn’t make sense in your life. He can suffer like I can. he feels what I do. and yet he isn’t you. he is the other person you could not become.

He is your equal; your mirror and he is who you are not. He is a perfect stranger. he exists on a different plane. He reminds you of yourself.

He is your brother.

[bizarrelittlemew]

tagged by @saltpepperbeard @summerlinenss @edsbacktattoo @xoxoemynn @jaskierx a while back to share my fav fics i've written!

my favorite thing i've ever written has to be Five Birthdays and a Funeral (6 chapters, 57.8k words, E), so i'll start there.

this fic focuses on Stede navigating depression and anxiety while finding himself and figuring out his feelings for Ed, and its thesis statement is very important to me - that the whole "you have to love yourself before you can love others/before you can be loved" thing is a lie, and that you don't have to be a perfectly "healed" human being before you can love and be loved in return.

i put a lot of personal stuff into it, which was both scary and cathartic, and the response has been incredible and extremely validating. seeing how this stuff resonates 🥹 made me feel less alone (and i always love it when people shout at me about ketchup lmao) 💗 and along with the heavier stuff, it has strong romcom vibes, some of my fav Ed/Stede banter i've written, and lots of smut which i have on authority (from lovely readers) is very hot 😌

next, i'm pretty proud of A Series of Cases of Penetrating Stab Wounds of the Abdomen - a short fic (1.9k words, T) written entirely as a scientific paper in the (fictional) Republic of Pirates Medical Journal! it was extremely fun to find a way to make a narrative work in this format (and i especially love the footnote referencing Roach inventing ye olde toppe surgery) 🤸

i have a soft spot for In the sack (2 chapters, 8.3k words, E), which has a mix of innkeeper domestic fluff/smut, character study relating to Stede and clothes, exploration of why both Ed and Stede might find freedom and empowerment on either side of dom/sub play, and Stede getting to wear the onesie of subification 😌

lastly, this is my least-read fic (which is to be expected for fics with crew member POVs, though it actually has a lot of Ed and Stede being obnoxiously in love), but one of my favs is Bathtub beginnings (4.1k words, M). i just love the 60s New York vibes and think it came out really well ✌️

if you see this and want to talk about your fav fics you've written, consider yourself tagged 💗

[varjopeura]

.

[moe-broey]

From my notes....... like to me Sharena is projecting a little bit, here. She's frustrated with Veronica not only because of her behavior, but because if SHARENA EVER acted out anywhere NEAR that way. Maybe there would be severe consequences. Maybe it's something Sharena makes an effort to correct, within herself, before any consequences can catch her. And yet. Despite all that. Sharena still has moments of attitude and dare I say, Stubbornness, too.

[ken-katayanagi]

You know, I feel like purgatory would have been a perfect setting for Hazbin Hotel because it's a place people go to before final judgement or death.

YES!! Every time I look into the lore and setting of H4zbin/H3lluva, I wonder why this wasn’t something that was utilized. It would’ve added not only a lot of nuance to Charlie and her motivations, whether or not it took place directly in purgatory or not. If they had remained in hell, purgatory could’ve been an interesting wrinkle in her plan, or something that would’ve explained why all of the angels, not just the exterminators, are so uncaring towards sinners (the idea of “if you deserved a chance you would’ve gotten it).

Or, if Charlie had started the hotel in purgatory, then there could’ve been questions about why a princess of hell wanted to help them. Maybe purgatory is as corrupt as Heaven or Hell, and Charlie’s work is meant to be a criticism of the way institutions meant to help may not actually provide any real support. But the show side steps even mentioning working with these ideas that could’ve given much needed depth to the first ring of Hell.

And To clarify my thought from my last post, I think H4zbin would’ve been better served with a setting akin to magical realism, while maybe borrowing some biblical elements to explain where characters got their powers or legacies from. This would’ve removed a lot of the baggage these biblically based characters come with, making so the characters could’ve just been the characters without us questioning why certain elements aren’t addressed (i.e. Adam, Lucifer, Lilith, etc.).

[m34gs]

The glass coffin trap bothers me so much. It’s definitely up there on my least favourites. Strahm. STRAHM IF YOU WOULDVE JUST LISTENED TO THE FUCKING TAPE OR LEFT THE ROOM IMMEDIATELY AFTER THE COFFIN CLOSED THERE WAS A FUCKING DELAY. THERE WAS A DELAY BEFORE THE ROOM DOOR CLOSED. YOU COULDVE MADE IT OUT BUT NO YOU HAD TO STAY AND GLOAT AND THIS. THIS IS WHY YOU FUCKING DIED.

[bibuckleykinard]

how many times do we need to learn as people that irony and hyperbole can be harmful because 'jokes' aren't easily distinguished from genuine thoughts and feelings until we stop rewarding people for speaking or posting about violence

like even if you're joking/don't actually believe that/think whoever you are insulting is bad/immoral/fictional therefore deserves it - ad hominem attacks always do more harm to the people who share those characteristic then the individual you intend to cause harm to or discredit

[savage-rhi]

Magenta 😟

[shikai-the-storyteller]

TBH the best case scenarios in my mind for Fit's lore ending on Thursday are either:

Madagio has mercy. They know what it's like to lose everyone they love, and seeing what's happening on Quesadilla Island is just a reminder of everything they loved and lost. Madagio releases Fit, and he reunites with Pac e Mike and Richarlyson, and they're all able to leave Quesadilla Island.

Or:

Madagio and Fit destroy the Federation together. Fit goes full 2B2T mode and there's nothing left of the Federation once they're finished. Madagio and Fit finally have their revenge. (And then maybe Fit can reunite with Pac + all his loved ones and they escape the Island, or reclaim the island for their own since the Federation no longer has any power over them).

Bonus: A very unlikely but "Wouldn't it be fun?" scenario would be Pac and Mike flying down on a fully-grown dragon Richas and rescuing Fit from Vacuus Island and they fly away and live happily ever after.

[incendiorum]

honestly at this point I think I’m just… trying to decide what I want to do w this blog